PRICE 15 CENTS 



PS 3503 
•R53 M5 
1914 
Copy 1 




Axs. Haywood s Help JjL 








BLISHING COMPANY 



Successful Rural Plays 

A Strong List From Which to Select Your 
Next Play 

FARM FOLKS. A Rural Play in Four Acts, by Arthur 
Lewis Tubbs. For five male and six female characters. Time 
of playing, two hours and a half. One simple exterior, two 
easy interior scenes. Costumes, modern. Flora Goodwin, a 
farmer's daughter, is engaged to Philip Burleigh, a young New 
Yorker. Philip's mother wants him to marry a society woman, 
and by falsehoods makes Flora believe Philip does not love her. 
Dave Weston, who wants Flora himself, helps the deception by 
intercepting a letter from Philip to Flora. She agrees to marry 
Dave, but on the eve of their marriage Dave confesses, Philip 
learns the truth, and he and Flora are reunited. It is a simple 
plot, but full of speeches and situations that sway an audience 
alternately to tears and to laughter. Price, 25 cents. 

HOME TIES. A Rural Play in Four Acts, by Arthur 
Lewis Tubbs. Characters, four male, five female. Plays two 
hours and a half. Scene, a simple interior — same for all four 
acts. Costumes, modern. One of the strongest plays Mr. Tubbs 
has written. Martin Winn's wife left him when his daughter 
Ruth was a baby. Harold Vincent, the nephew and adopted son 
of the man who has wronged Martin, makes love to Ruth Winn. 
She is also loved by Len Everett, a prosperous young farmer. 
When Martin discovers who Harold is, he orders him to leave 
Ruth. Harold, who does not love sincerely, yields. Ruth dis- 
covers she loves Len, but thinks she has lost him also. Then 
he comes back, and Ruth finds her happiness. Price 25 cents. 

THE OLD NEW HAMPSHIRE HOME. A New 

England Drama in Three Acts, by Frank Dumont. For seven 
males and four females. Time, two hours and a half. Costumes, 
modern. A play with a strong heart interest and pathos, yet rich 
in humor. Easy to act and very effective. A rural drama of 
the "Old Homstead" and "Way Down East" type. Two ex- 
terior scenes, one interior, all easy to set. Full of strong sit- 
uations and delightfully humorous passages. The kind of a play 
everybody understands and likes. Price, 25 cents. 

THE OLD DAIRY HOMESTEAD. A Rural Comedy 
in Three Acts, by Frank Dumont. For five males and four 
females. Time, two hours. Rural costumes. Scenes rural ex- 
terior and interior. An adventurer obtains a large sum of money 
from a farm house through the intimidation of the farmer's 
niece, whose husband he claims to be. Her escapes from the 
wiles of the villain and his female accomplice are both starting 
and novel. Price, 15 cents. 

A WHITE MOUNTAIN BOY. A Strong Melodrama in 
Five Acts, by Charles Townsend. For seven males and four 
females, and three supers. Time, two hours and twenty minutes. 
One exterior, three interiors. Costumes easy. The hero, a 
country lad, twice saves the life of a banker's daughter, which 
results in their betrothal. A scoundrelly clerk has the banker 
in his power, but the White Mountain boy finds a way to check- 
mate his schemes, saves the banker, and wins the girl. Price 
15 cents. 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

PHILADELPHIA 



Mrs. Haywood's Help 

A Comedy in Two Acts 



By 
GLADYS R. BRIDGHAM 




PHILADELPHIA 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

1914 






Copyright 19 14 by The Penn Publishing Company 



©CI.D *.59° 63 

Mrs. Haywood's Help 

DEC tl 1914 



Mrs. Haywood's Help 



CHARACTERS 



Thomas Haywood . president of N. Y. 6° C. R. E. 

Thomas Haywood, Jr attorney at law 

Joseph Clement . . reporter on "The New York Spy" 
David Solomon Andrews . . . who has Just become 

the ward of Oliver Shepard 

Hubert Ames a visitor, who tries to 

steal Mr. Hayiaood's documents 

Katherine who is also Mrs. Haywood, Jr. 

Aukelia Symonds her wealthy aunt 

Dorothea Symonds her young sister 

Mary Moore Haywood's secretary 

Marion Hereford . . a senior at Crofton Seminary 

Nordica Johnson a colored maid 

Joyce the wife of Oliver Shepard 

Time of Playing : — One hour. 



STORY OF THE PLAY 

The fun in this delightful comedy hinges on a domestic 
crisis when Mrs. Haywood tries to give her critical father- 
in-law a peaceful dinner with all her servants gone and eight 
unexpected guests in the house. Joyce, who has arrived with 
a secret on her mind, and Dave, just made the ward of the 
great Oliver Shepard, whose month's disappearance is the 
talk of New York, volunteer as cook and butler Many 
funny incidents result, and a merry evening of misunder- 
standing is capped by Joyce's revelation that the great 
Oliver is her husband, and has just returned with her from 
their honeymoon. 



COSTUMES, ETC. 

Mr. Haywood, Senior. About sixty. Conservative 
business suit. 

Tom. Twenty-eight. Enters in business suit. Changes, 
it desired, to evening dress. 

Clement. Twenty-five. Sportily dressed young man. 

David. Eighteen. Plain suit, with a cap. Changes to 
typical butler's livery. 

Ames. Thirty. Sprucely dressed business man. 

Kathehine. Twenty-five. Evening gown. 

Aukelia. Forty. Enters in stylish traveling costume, 
changes to evening gown. 

Dorothea. Twelve. Simple girl's dress, with a big 
coat and hat. & 

Mary. Twenty-three. Dark skirt and white shirt-waist 
Marion Twenty. Enters with big coat and auto- 
mobile veil over hat. 

Nordica. Sixteen. Black dress. Appears first in shabby 
coat and hat ; later in a white apron. 

Joyce. Twenty-five. Enters in traveling costume. 
Changes to house dress, covered by a large apron. 



PROPERTIES 

Act I. Flowers in a vase, telegram blank, dog, suit-case, 
bandbox, fan. 

Act II. Tray, wishbone, roll, note-book and pencil, 
bundle of papers for Marion's manuscript, paper for Mr. 
Haywood, time-table, cane, bandbox. 



SCENE PLOT 



INTERIOR. RAQK/NG 

H 1 

DOOK- 







Scene. — Living-room in the home of Thomas Haywood, 
Jr., suburbs of New York. Chair or divan down r. Large 
mirror r., behind chair. 



Mrs. Haywood's Help 



ACT I 

(As curtain rises Katherine stands by table arranging 
flowers in a vase. Bell rings — pause — bell rings again. 
Katherine looks toward l., listens — bell rings — she 
walks to R. exit and calls "Buttons J" — then more 
sharply, " Buttons /" Bell rings — she starts h. Joyce 
enters L.) 

Katherine. Joyce ! (Throws her arms around her.') 

Joyce {returning the greeting). Kit ! 

Katherine. Where did you come from? 

Joyce. Your front door steps. 1 pushed the button un- 
til the battery ran down ; then I opened the door and 
entered. Where, dear one, is your maid ? 

Katheuine. Goodness only knows ! Joy, I didn't ex- 
pect you until next week. 

Joyce. No, neither did I. That is, I didn't expect to 
come until next week. Something happened that brought 
me east unexpectedly. 

Katherine. It wouldn't be you unless something did 
happen. Take off your hat, dear. 

Joyce. No, not yet. You might have callers, and if 
you did I should like to have them see me with this hat on. 

Katherine. Joyce, you are just the same as ever. How 
well you look ! 

Joyce. I am. Nothing is the matter with me, never was 
and never will be. Kit, does it bother you because I have 
come a week ahead of time ? 

Katherine. I guess not ! I never was so glad to see 
you in my life, and that is saying a good deal. 

Joyce. Why, what is the matter ? 

Katherine. Everything ! 

7 



8 mrs. haywood's help 

Joyce. Kit, you haven't had trouble with Tom already? 

Katherine. Oh, no ! It isn't Tom. It's his father 

Joyce. Why, what's the matter with Haywood senior ? 

Katherine. 1 have never met him. 

Joyce. Never met him ? 

Katherine. No; isn't it ridiculous? You see we 
were engaged and married in such a hurry, while he was in 
Europe. But he's coming to-night. 

Joyce. He is ? 

Katherine. Yes, and I'm nearly frightened to death 
I ve been about crazy all day. He has been terribly ill, and 
do you know, his illness has left him stone deaf? 

Joyce. That's a misfortune. Isn't there any help for 

Katherine. Oh, yes ! The doctor says he will regain 
his hearing as suddenly as he lost it, but he can't tell how 
long it will be. In the meantime, Tom says you have to 
nearly shout your head off to make him understand one 
word you say. 

Joyce. Why, you poor thing ! 

Katherine. Pleasant prospect, isn't it ? And as if that 
weren t enough, Tom just telephoned that he is bringing his 
cousin David Andrews home with him, and if ever a boy got 
on my nerves ! If he should smile the shock would kill him 
How I can live with Tom's father and Tom's cousin in the 
house at the same time is beyond me ! 
Joyce. Kit there's something that I think I had better 
. tell you. {Bell rings.) 

Katherine. Excuse me, just a minute. I shall have to 
go to the door. I don't know what has become of Buttons 
{Exit Katherine, l. Joyce removes her hat, sits down at 
piano, and begins to play. Katherine enters with a tele- 
gram) Oh, Joyce, I have a telegram ! What do you sup- 
pose has happened ? {Reads telegram. ) Merciful heaven ! 
1ms finishes things ! 
Joyce. What is it, dear ? 

Katherine. Read that ! {Hands telegram to Joyce ) 
Joyce {reading). « Coming east unexpectedly. Will be 
with you Thursday. Aurelia Symonds." Who in pity's 
name is she ? v 3 

Katherine. My father's younger sister. She is worth 
two million dollars, and knows more than any one else on 
earth ! J 



MRS. HAYWOOD S HELP 9 

Joyce. Katherine, I really think that I had better be 
going. It doesn't seem to me 

Katherine. Don't suggest it ! ( Walks up and down 
room.) You are the only one in the world that I have al- 
ways been able to depend upon to pull me out of a tight 
place. If you go I shall lie right down here in the middle 
of the floor and die ! 

Joyce. Well, of course, Kit, if you feel that way, I 
wouldn't think of leaving you. And now, there is some- 
thing that I must tell you 

Thomas Haywood, Jr. (outside). Hello, the house! 
Where are you, Kit ? 

Katherine. There's Tom ! {Exit, L. Outside.) Oh, 
Tom, I'm so glad you have come ! How do you do ? 

Tom {outside). Well, little girl, how are you to-night ? 

Katherine. All right, but terribly nervous. Come in, 
do ! You can't guess who is here. 

(Enter Katherine, l., followed by Tom and David 
Solomon Andrews.) 

Tom. Joyce, by Jove ! 
Joyce. Yes, Joyce. 

(They shake hands. .) 

Tom. Well, well, if this isn't a surprise party ! Oh, 
pardon me. My cousin, David Andrews, Miss Laughton. 

(Tom rings for Buttons. Joyce looks at David.) 

David. Miss Laughton. 

Joyce. I'm glad to meet you, Mr. David Andrews. 
{Eying him thoughtfully. ) 

Katherine. Did your father come, Tom ? 

Tom. Yes, he is in New York. He had some business 
to attend to, and will be down on a later train. {Rings 
bell again.) Have you any idea why Buttons doesn't an- 
swer the bell ? 

Katherine. No, I haven't, Tom. If you will excuse 
me I will see if I can find him. Joyce, would you like to go 
up to your room ? 

(Joyce takes up hat and coat and exits, c, with Katherine.) 

Tom. Sit down, Dave. I'm sorry there isn't something 
definite to report to you. I have made absolutely no prog- 



10 MRS. HAYWOOD S HELP 

ress. Your grandmother died just a month ago to-day, and 
I'm just as much at sea as I was on that day. 

David. Then you haven't located my guardian. 

Tom. No. The man she appointed as your guardian 
can't be found. No one who ever had any dealings with 
Mrs. Stanhope seems to know anything about Oliver Shepard. 

David. Tom, you must have made a mistake. 

Tom. Nonsense, Dave ! Supposing I did, there's my 
partner, to say nothing of Mrs. Stanhope's attorney. 

David. Why, it's ridiculous that he wrote her will and 
doesn't know which Oliver Shepard she meant. 

Tom. You talk with him and you wouldn't think so. 
Your grandmother was eccentric, to say the least. You are 
directed to take up your abode in the home of Oliver 
Shepard and his wife, the latter having full instructions as to 
how to proceed. And why when he is your guardian is it 
his wife who has the instructions, and who in pity's name is 
the Oliver Shepard ? 

David. I never heard of but one man by that name. 

Tom. The great Oliver S ? (David nods.) Oh, we've 
looked him up thoroughly. He's out of the question. He 
isn't married and didn't know Mrs. Stanhope. And doesn't 
it beat the deuce that he is missing, too? Probably you 
saw it in the papers ? 

David. Yes, I did. 

Tom. He went away about two months ago on a busi- 
ness trip. Perhaps you have heard that the railroad of 
which Shepard is the president and the road of which my 
father is president are to consolidate. They settled on the 
27th as the day for the final details. 

David {with interest). Why, to-day is the 26th ! 

Tom. Exactly. Father was to meet Shepard to-morrow, 
and nobody knows whether Shepard is dead or alive. For 
a month not one word has been heard from him. Father is 
about crazy. A delay just now is likely to upset everything, 
for Franklyn Ames of the Western Company is working 
against dad, and if the thing doesn't go through to-morrow, 
it's likely never to go through at all. 

David. I should think the name Shepard would be 
burned into your brain. Between my Shepard, and your 
father's Shepard, you must be having a lovely time. Tom, 
this is the disagreeable part of my affair. 1 have been prac- 
tically my own master fur ten years. My grandmother let 



MRS. HAYWOOD S HELP II 

me strictly alone. Why should she appoint a guardian over 
me at this late day ? 

Tom. On account of the money, of course. When we 
find Oliver Shepard we shall know how much. Or rather 
when we find his wife. 

David. I'm not sure that I want her money. 

Tom. For the love of heaven, Dave, talk sense ! Not 
sure that you want the money? 

David. Not if I have to take the guardian, too. The 
law doesn't say that I must take the money, does it ? 

Tom. Certainly not ! But who ever heard of any one's 
doing such a thing ? 

David. Tom, I don't know this Oliver Shepard by sight 
even, and I've got to be controlled by him for nearly three 
years. I'll tell you how much I want Mrs. Stanhope's 
money when I have seen Shepard, not to mention his wife. 
I'm earning a living. I'll look before I leap, thank you. 

{Enter Katherine and Joyce, c.) 

Katherine. Tom ! Tom Haywood ! There isn't a 
servant in this house ! They have gone ! 

Tom. What ? 

Katherine. Every one ! Bag and baggage ! 

Tom. Nonsense ! it can't be. I will go and 

Katherine. You needn't ! We have been in every 
room in the house. They have even taken their things. 

David. What ever possessed them ? 

Katherine. Too far out from New York, for one thing. 
Too much company for another. I don't mean anything 
personal, but we have had an awful run of company ever 
since we came down here. To-day when I announced 
Tom's father they were up and down mad. 

Joyce. How many were there, Kit ? 

Katherine. Three. A cook, and a maid, and Buttons. 
We might get along to-night, I suppose, if there were just 
us, although goodness only knows what we should eat ! But 
there's your father, Tom ! What will he think to come 
here and find things in this condition ? {Bell rings. ) Oh, 
I bet that's Aunt Aurelia ! I had forgotten Aunt Aurelia ! 

Tom (in astonishment}. Who's she ? 

Katherine (impatiently). Oh, you know ! Father's 
younger sister ! I received a telegram just before you came. 
(Exit, l.) 



12 MRS. HAYWOOD S HELP 

Tom. Good-night ! What a mess ! 
Joyce {to David). Oh, Mr. Andrews, I have an idea. 
Come in here quick, and let me talk to you ! 

(Exeunt Joyce and David, c.) 
(Enter Katherine and Aurelia Symonds, l.) 

Aurelia (speaking as she enters'). My dear Katherine, 
you received my telegram ? 

Katherine. Yes, aunt, I was so pleased. Tom, dear, 
this is Aunt Aurelia. 

Aurelia (to Tom). Charmed, I'm sure. 

(They shake hands.) 

Tom. I can't tell you, Miss Symonds, how pleased we 
are to have you visit us. 

(Dorothea Symonds runs in l., leading a dog. She 
carries a small suit-case.) 

Dorothea. Oh, Kit ! I've come ! I've come ! Hello, 
Tom ! Why, Aunt Aurelia, how do you do? Now, aren't 
you glad I s' prised you, Kit ? 

Katherine. Dorothea Symonds, where did you come 
from ? 

Dorothea. Down from New York on the 4: 52. 

Aurelia. On the train with me ? Extraordinary ! 
Which car were you in ? 

Dorothea. Oh, I rode on the platform. They wouldn't 
let Victor inside. 

Katherine. Merciful heaven ! Where's mother ? 

Dorothea. At Mrs. Grainger's playing bridge. 

Katherine. And doesn't she know that you are here? 

Dorothea. Not so you'd notice it ! 

Aurelia. I always said that my brother's wife wasn't 
capable of training up a kitten in the way it should go. 

Dorothea. Aunt Aurelia, you make me 

Katherine (warningly). Dorothy ! Tell me how you 
happened to come down here, and what ever possessed you 
to bring that elephant with you? 

Dorothea. Victor isn't any elephant. He's the best 
friend I've got in the world, and I wouldn't have come if I 



mrs. haywood's help 13 

hadn't thought you would be glad to see me. N-n-n-nobody 
loves me ! (Begins to cry.) 

Katherine. There, don't cry, dear. Tell sister how 
you happened to come. 

Dorothea. Well, I get so tired of always being alone. 
Mamma is never at home, and Miss Mitford don't ever say 
anything but her old French lingo, and do-re-me-re ! I get 
so sick of it all ! I guess you would if you were me. Oh, 
Kit, mayn't I stay with you ? 

Katherine. You will have to stay to-night. There's 
no way of getting you back to New York before morning. 

Aurelia. And now, Katherine, if you think you have 
bestowed sufficient attention upon the youngest member of 
the family, you might deign to notice me. 

Katherine. My dear Aunt Aurelia, I beg your pardon. 
Dorothy upset me so 

Aurelia. If you will be kind enough to call your maid, 
I should like to go to my room. 

Katherine. Certainly. I — I — I will go up with you my- 
self. (Exit Aurelia, l. Katherine starts to follow ; 
looks back.) Tom, sneak up after us with her suit-case. 
For heaven's sake, don't let her know anything ! 

(Exit, r., followed by Tom.) 

Dorothea (stands looking after them). I can say what 
I please now. Aunt Aurelia, you're a lemon ! (Telephone 
rings and Dorothea answers.) Hello! Yes. Who? Oh, 
how do you do ? This is Dorothea. Yes, I'm visiting 
Katherine. What? On your way up here ? Now? And 
Marion ? Isn't that lovely ! Yes, Katherine will be de- 
lighted. I will tell her. Good-bye. (Joyce looks in from 
C ; enters, follotved by David. Dorothea throws herself 
into Joyce's arms.) Oh, Joyce ! (To David.) I guess I 
don't know you, but I'm pleased to see you. 

Joyce. Mr. Andrews, this is Katherine's sister, Doro- 
thea. (David shakes hands with Dorothea. Tom and 
Katherine enter, l.) Your aunt came ? 

Katherine. Yes. She is up-stairs and safe for an hour 
at least. She is dressing for dinner. 

Tom (sarcastically). Dinner ! 

Dorothea. Kit, you can't guess who is coming ! 

Katherine. Coming? Who's coming ? What do you 
mean, Dorothea? 



14 mrs. haywood's help 

Dorothea. Hugh Ames just telephoned that he is on 
his way up here with Marion. 

Katherine. Hugh Ames? Oh, this is the absolute 
limit ! I wish I'd answered the telephone. I would have 
given Hugh Ames a piece of my mind. 

Dorothea (in surprise). Don't you want them to come ? 

Kathekine. Want them ? 1 wish they were as far the 
other side of California as we are this side. 

Dorothea (thoughtfully). That would be about in 
China, wouldn't it? {Reproachfully.) Katherine, Miss 
Mitford says, always make an unwelcome guest feel wel- 
come. Greet him cordially, smile cheerily and say 

Katherine {walking up and down the room). Doro- 
thea Symonds, if you don't stop that chatter, I shall cer- 
tainly box your ears ! 

Tom. What's the use, Kit ? We might as well look at 
this from a reasonable point of view. 

Katherine. Reasonable? Reasonable? If that isn't 
like a man ! There are six of us here now. Your father 
coming. Hugh Ames and Marion ! 

_ Tom. By Jove, that reminds me that father said that he 
is bringing his secretary with him, and wanted to have the 
house quiet this evening. He is worried about some busi- 
ness matters, and wants my entire attention. 
David. He will be likely to get it ! 

(Katherine goes to telephone.) 

Katherine. Hollisford 29. 

Tom. What are you going to do ? 

Katherine. Hello ! Is this Mrs. Carey? This is Mrs. 
Haywood. I'm in a little difficulty and thought perhaps 
you could help me out. I have company coming to dinner 
and my servants have all stepped out. Could Nora come 
up for a while? She's in New York? That's just my 
luck ! You don't know any one that I could possibly get? 
All right. Thank you. Good-bye !— There, that hope is 
gone. Now, if some one of you will kindly tell me how this 
surprise party is going to be fed. Why don't you speak? 
Why don't you speak ? 

Joyce. Give me a chance, Kit, and I will. Does any 
one who is coming here know your cousin ? 

Katherine. Dave? Why, no! Not even Tom's 
father. 



MRS. HAYWOOD S HELP 1 5 

Joyce. And nobody knows me. (Takes David by the 
hand. ) Mrs. Haywood, behold a cook and a Buttons. We 
come highly recommended, and our references are the best. 
Do we get the job ? 

Tom. Well, by Jove ! 

Katherine. What perfect nonsense ! This is no time to 
joke ! 

Joyce. Joke? I was never more serious in my life. 
We have been talking it over, and have it all arranged. I 
will cook some kind of dinner and serve it. Your cousin 
can tend the door and so forth. As your guests will not see 
me in the kitchen, they will never know that your maid and 
your cook are one and the same. 

Tom. Joyce, you're a brick ! 

Katherine. You are all that, and more, too, and so is 
Dave, but I wouldn't let either of you do a thing like that 
for worlds. 

Joyce. Kit, you can't boil water without burning it. I 
don't know who you think is going to cook the dinner, un- 
less it's your Aunt Aurelia. 

Katherine. Aunt Aurelia ! Oh, I'll never hear the last 
of this as long as I live. The family will feel that I have 
disgraced them. 

Joyce. No, they won't. They will never know anything 
about it. Kit, you leave everything to us, and we will pull 
you through some way. {Bell rings.*) Mercy! That can't 
be your friends yet, can it ? 

Tom. No. 

David. I'll answer and get used to my new duties. 

{Exit David, l. Dorothea runs after him.) 

Katherine. I shall send Hugh and Marion back the 
way they come. If they are mad, I can't help it. 

Joyce. No, you needn't. Explain about Tom's father 
and tell them to keep out of his way. I will serve them a 
dinner by themselves. Have you a breakfast-room ? 

Katherine. Yes. 

Joyce. I will serve the auto party there and the family 
party in the dining-room. 

Tom. Joyce, this is too much of a good thing ! You 
never could pull it through, even if we allowed it. 

Joyce. Tom, that's no way to talk to a woman. The 
more you tell me I can't the more sure I am that I can. 



i6 



MRS. HAYWOOD S HELP 



David {entering l.). Katherine, there's a young colored 
girl out here who would like to speak to you. 
Katherine. Speak to me ? 

{Enter Nordica Johnson, l., carrying a bandbox.) 

Nordica. Yessum ! Mis' Carey done send me over. 
She said you-all need some one to work fo' yo', an' 1'se pow- 
erful smart, an' I wants ter earn de money mighty bad. 
Kin I have de job? 

Katherine {doubtfully'). Why — I — I 

Nordica. Dey ain't nothin' I can't do 'roun' de house. 
I kin scrub de flo', an' wash dishes, an' make beds, an' I 
wants ter earn de money mighty bad ! An', oh, yes, I'se 
fine at takin' care ob babies. 

Katherine {stiffly). There aren't any babies in this 
house. I don't believe that we require your services, al- 
though it was very kind of Mrs. Carey to send you over. 

Nordica. An' don't I git no job? 

Katherine. No, I'm afraid we haven't anything for you 
to do. 

Nordica. An' I wants ter earn de money powerful bad ! 
Oh ! {Screams.) 

Tom. For the love of heaven ! 

David. Shut her off! 

Joyce. Here, stop that noise ! Can you wait on the 
table ? 

Nordica. Yessum ! 

Joyce. Without spilling a thing? 

Nordica. Yessum ! 

Joyce. Keep her, Kit. 

Katherine. Very well, if you can make use of her. 

Nordica. Den I gits de job? 

Katherine. Yes. You can stay with this young lady 
and do just as she tells you. What is your name ? 

Nordica. Nordica Johnson. Lan', but I'se pleased. 
Yo' see, I'se goin' on de vordebil stage jes' soon's I gits a 
little older, an' I wants ter earn de money ter take some 
singin' lessons. I'se got a splendid voice. Yo'-all want ter 
hear me sing ? 

All. No, you needn't mind about it. 
{Enter Dorothea, l.) 

Dorothea. Hugh Ames is coming down the road. 



mrs. haywood's help 17 

Joyce. Come on, quick ! Come, Nordica, and you, too, 
Dorothy ! 

{Exeunt Joyce, Nordica, Dorothea and David, c.) 

Katherine. I shall die, Tom, I know I shall ! 
Tom. Well, please don't do it for an hour or so at least. 
Just try to control yourself while I go to the door. 

{Exit, l.) 

Katherine. Brule! {Walks up and down room.') 

{Enter Marion Hereford, i.., followed by Tom and 
Hubert Ames.) 

Marion. Oh, Kit, I'm so glad to see you again ! 

Katherine. Take your things off, dear. (Shakes hands 
with Ames.) It's great to have you come like this. 

Marion. Well, you can thank Hugh. It was really his 
idea. 

Katherine. Hugh, I congratulate you on your novel 
and original ideas. (All sit down.) You can't imagine 
how pleased we are. 

Ames. I knew you would be delighted to see Marion, 
and it happened this way 

Marion. There, Hugh, will you keep still ! I guess I'm 
going to tell Kit how I happened to visit her. You see, to- 
morrow night is Senior Dramatics, and I have the leading 
part, so I am excused from lessons to-day. Well, Hugh 
came up this afternoon with the auto, and 

Ames. Yes, you had better give me some credit. 

Marion. And he invited me to go to ride. I asked 
Miss Bickford and she said yes, if I would take my book 
along and study and be back in time for rehearsal to-night. 
So I rehearsed all the way up. 

Ames. Yes, I can testify to that. I could say that play 
backward. Why don't you come to the part where I dis- 
tinguish myself? 

Marion. Hugh asked where I wanted to go, and I 
couldn't think of a place. Then he suggested that we come 
up here and surprise you. I can tell you 1 didn't have two 
minds about that. So we started right away, and I'm 
thankful that I had a play to occupy my mind, for Hugh 
hasn't talked of a tiling but his stomach. 



18 mrs. haywood's help 

Ames. Yes, Kit, I hope to heaven you've got dinner, 
and plenty of it, for I had the skimpiest lunch. Not enough 
to feed a canary bird. 

Katherine. I really don't know what we are going to 
have. My — er — cook — is preparing something. I must 
tell you that Tom's father is coming to-night. He has been 
seriously ill, and asked Tom if we would have the house 
quiet. Would you mind not seeing him or letting him know 
that you are here ? 

Marion. Why, Kit, we'll turn right around and go 
back. You have enough on your hands without bothering 
with us. I am sure that Hugh agrees with me. 

Ames. Certainly ; come on ! 

(Marion begins to put her things on.) 

Tom. Hold on, Hugh ! We have it all arranged. 

Marion. But it's too much ! We had better go ! 

Katherine. Marion, listen ! We are going to give you 
a dinner by yourselves, and you can slip out without Mr. 
Haywood's knowing anything about it. But after he arrives 
you will have to amuse yourselves. 

Marion. Well, if you are sure it's all right. 

Ames. We don't mind amusing ourselves. 

Marion. And I can rehearse during dinner. 

Ames. Good-night! {Bell rings.) 

Katherine {to Tom). That must be your father ! 

Tom {looking at ivatch). Yes, I guess it is ! Do you 
suppose Dave will answer the bell ? 

(Enter David, c, dressed as "Buttons."') 

David. Watch me ! 

{Exit, l.) 

Katherine. Oh, Tom, I'm going to faint. I know I 
am ! 

Tom {fanning her). Please don't faint just now, Kit ! 
Can't you wait until after father goes ? 

Marion. We will get out. 

Ames. Yes, come on ! Shall we go into the library ? 

Marion. Yes. Isn't this comical ? I'm just dying to 
laugh. 



mrs. haywood's help 19 

{Exeunt, R.) 

{Enter David, l.) 

David. Miss Moore. Mr. Haywood. 

{Enter Mary Mooue, i,., followed by Thomas Haywood. 
David exits, c.) 

Tom. I'm glad to see you, Mary. Kitty, dear, this is 
Miss Moore. 

(Katherine greets Mary.) 

Haywood. How do you do, Thomas ? 

Tom {shouting). I'm glad to welcome you to my home, 
father. This is my wife. 

Haywood {to Katherine). How do you do ? How do 
you do ? 

Katherine. I'm glad to see you. 

Haywood. Eh ? 

Katherine {louder). I'm glad to see you. 

Haywood. Eh? 

Katherine {louder). I'm glad to see you. 

Haywood. Eh ? 

Katherine {shouting). I'm glad to 

Haywood. Mary, Mary, come here ! What is she say- 
ing to me ? 

Mary. She says she is glad to see you. 

Haywood. Is that all ? Tell her, Mary, not to address 
me unless she has something important to say. 

Mary. He says, Mrs. Haywood, not to address him un- 
less you have something important to say. 

Katherine. He needn't worry. When I address him 
again he will know it. 

Haywood. What does she say ? 

Mary. She says she won't. 

Haywood. Tell her I can't hear very well. 

Mary. He says that he can't hear very well. 

Tom. For pity's sake, Mary, cut it out ! My wife 
understands English. 

{Enter Nordica, c. They all stand looking at her.) 

Nordica. Oh, Mis' Haywood ! 
Katherine. Yes? 



20 MRS. HAYWOOD S HELP 

Nordica. I'se done got ter speak ter yo' on a matter ob 
a private cha'cter. 

Katherine. Yes. (To others.*) Excuse me. (Takes 
Nordica one side.) What is it? 

Nordica. Yo' know de young lady dat's down in de 
kitchen ? 

Katherine. What has happened ? Tell me quick ! 

Nordica. She's cookin' de dinner, yo' know ? 

Katherine. Yes, yes ! Will you tell me what has hap- 
pened ? 

Nordica. Well, she done tole me to ax yo' bery 
privately where yo'-all keeps de mustard ? 

Katherine. Oh, heaven ! I'll go at once. (To 
others.) You will excuse me, please. 

(Exit Katherine, c, followed by Nordica.) 

Haywood. What is the trouble ? Mary, Mary, come 
here ! What have they been talking about ? 

Mary. I believe the cook sent Mrs. Haywood some 
message in regard to the dinner. 

Haywood. Well, I do wish people would talk about 
something sensible. Do sit down, both of you ! Thomas, 
I am worried to death ! Worried to death ! Do you 
realize that to-morrow is the 27th ? Do you realize it, I 
say ? 

Tom. Yes, sir, to-morrow is the 27th. 

Haywood. And do you realize what will happen if 
Oliver Shepard is not heard from by ten o'clock to-morrow 
morning ? 

Tom. I have a faint idea. 

Haywood. You have more than that ! You know ! 
You know the consequences and yet you sit still and make 
no move. It's an outrage ! I wouldn't have believed it of 
you ! 

Tom. Father, every stone has been turned to find 
Shepard, and you know it. The best detectives ! An 
enormous reward ! Everything ! He made full arrange- 
ments for consolidation before he went west, didn't he? 

Haywood. Yes, much against his will. He wanted to 
wait a month longer ! Did you ever hear of such a thing? 
I was thoroughly disgusted, and his board of directors ! 
Well, I shouldn't care to repeat what they said. Not before 



MRS. HAYWOOD S HELP 21 

Mary. A month ! A month ! When it isn't safe to wait a 
day ! 

Tom. What did he want to wait for ? 

Haywood. Wanted to take a vacation. Said we had 
hammered him to death and he was tired out. If he wasn't 
so ridiculously young for the position he holds, he wouldn't 
be such a simpleton. 

Tom. H'm ! I wish I had known that before. Well, 
what's the use of worrying ? There's a strong chance that 
he will show up. 

Haywood. Nonsense 1 Not at this eleventh hour ! I 
believe he is being held until after to-morrow. 

Tom. That isn't reasonable. 

Haywood. Yes, it is ! Yes, it is I The Western Com- 
pany is dead against us, and wouldn't stop at anything. 
Franklyn Ames is one of the worst 

{Enter Katherine, c.) 

Tom. Anything wrong ? 
Katherine. No, indeed. 

(Enter Aurelia, l.) 

Aurelia. Katherine, my dear, I — oh, pardon me 

Tom. Miss Symonds, this is my father. 
Katherine. Speak loud, Aunt Aurelia. 
Tom (to Haywood). Miss Symonds. 
Haywood. How do you do ? How do you do ? 
Aurelia. Charmed, I'm sure. 
Katherine. Miss Moore, Aunt Aurelia. 

(Aurelia greets Mary.) 

Haywood (to Tom). Who is she? 

Tom. My wife's aunt. 

Haywood. Nice appearing young woman, very. Tell 
her I can't hear very well. 

Aurelia. You needn't have mentioned it. I should 
never have suspected it. (H \ywood fl/aces a chair for her 
and sits down by her.) Do you know, I have always 
wanted to meet you ? 

Haywood (delighted). Indeed? Why, may I ask? 

Aukelia. I heard so much of you. You are one of our 
captains of industry. Oh, our country owes so much to men 



22 MRS. HAYWOOD S HELP 

like you ! (Ames and Marion are heard laughing. 1 ) 
Katherine, my dear, may I inquire if you are having a 
party ? 

Katherine. A party ? Why — why should you suggest 
such a thing ? 

Aurelia. I distinctly heard sounds of mirth. 

Katherine. That ? Oh, that's just my maid and — 
and — Buttons ! They do have the best times together. 
You never saw any one like Buttons. He's the jolliest little 
fellow. 

{Enter David, c, with an expression on his face of having 
lost his last friend. He speaks to Tom and exit, c.) 

Aurelia. Yes, he has every appearance of it. 

Haywood. What is it ? Mary, Mary, come here ! 
What is it they are saying ? 

Mary. Why, they are discussing Mrs. Haywood's But- 
tons. 

Haywood. What's the matter with them ? Tell her to 
sew them on stronger ! 

Mary. No, no ! It is the boy, Buttons. 

Haywood. I do wish they would talk about something 
sensible. Tell them not to talk to me unless they have 
something important to say. 

Mary. He says not to talk to him unless 

Katherine. Well, who's talking to him ? 

Aurelia. Katherine, I am positively shocked ! My 
dear Mr. Haywood, let us resume our conversation. 

Haywood. Delighted, I'm sure. 

(Katherine speaks to Mary and they go out r. Tom fol- 
lows them to door and stands, nervous and impatient, 
watching Haywood and Aurelia.) 

Aurelia. You know I am so interested in your road. I 
have heard a rumor of consolidation with the H. and C. 
line. Is it true ? And do tell me what you think of the 
disappearance of Oliver Shepard ? 

Haywood. I should really prefer not to say to you what 
I think. 

{Enter Katherine, r., and stands by door talking to Tom.) 



mrs. haywood's help 23 

Aurelia. How droll you are, Mr. Haywood. 
(E titer David, c.) 

David. Mrs. Haywood, dinner is served. 

Katherine. At last. (To Haywood.) Will you come 
in to dinner ? 

Haywood. Eh ? 

Katherine. Will you come in to dinner ? 

Haywood. Eh ? 

Katherine. Will you come 

Haywood. Mary, Mary ! — er — Thomas ! What is she 
saying ? 

Tom. She asked you to come in to dinner. 

Haywood. Well, I am glad she is capable of saying 
something sensible. Permit me. 

(Offers his arm to Katherine. They exeunt, c.) 

Tom. Miss Symonds. 

( Offers his arm to Aurelia. They go out c. David places 
the chairs in position and exit, c.) 

(Enter Joseph Clement, l. Looks about ; takes a little 
book from his pocket and begins to take notes. Nordica 
enters, c. ) 

Clement. Well, the house is occupied after all. Hello, 
little chocolate drop ! 

Nordica. Hello yo'self, lemdh drop ! 

Clement. Well, well, we're pretty bright at repartee, 
aren't we? 

Nordica. Well, I couldn' anser fo' yo'. Yo' don' 'pear 
ter me as if yo's specially bright at anything, but I'll have 
yo' ter understan' dat Fse bright all de time — breakfast, 
dinner an' tea ! 

Clement. That may all be true, but you will have hard 
work to make any one believe it. 

Nordica. Don' yo' try no funny talk. I'll have yo' ter 
understan' dat I'se a lady, I is. 

(Enter David, c.) 

David. What's the trouble, Nordica? 



24 mrs. haywood's help 

Nordica. Fse sure I don' know, but dis white pusson 
seems ter tink dat he's some kid. {Walks toward l.) 

David. See here, Nordica, you must be careful how you 
speak. The people in this house are Mrs. Haywood's 
guests. 

Nordica. What diff'rence yo' tink dat makes ter me ? I 
don' keer if he's second cousin ter de President, he ain't 
gwine ter git fresh wid me. 

{Exit, l.) 

Clement. Can you tell me if Mr. Haywood is in this 
house ? 

David. You mean Haywood, senior ? 

Clement. Yes. 

David. He has just gone in to dinner. 

Clement. Say 1 want to see him and see him alone. 
For the "New York Spy." Get me? 

David. Reporter, and you want an interview. 

Clement Your discernment does you credit. Can you 
manage it ? 

David. I think it is doubtful. 

Clement {handing him fifty cents'). How doubtful is it 
now? 

David {looking at the money in astonishment). Well, 
I'll be — er — do you need to see him at once ? 

Clement. Oh, no. Any time within an hour will do, 
although the sooner the better. {Comes down, L.) 

David. Well, I'll get you the chance if I can ; but you 
know you are not supposed to be here, and I don't know 
how he will take it. 

Clement. You don't have to tell me that. I expect 
that I shall make my exit through the roof, but I'll take 
my chances. Say, Buttons, did you ever hear of Oliver 
Shepard ? 

David. Well, rather ! 

Clement. You don't happen to know where he is? 

David. Hardly ! I wish that I did ! 

Katherine {entering a). Dave ! {Sees Clement stand- 
ing at r. of stage.) Who's that ? 

David Mr. Ames' chauffeur, I suppose. 

Katherine. Oh, is it? I didn't know that Hugh had 
any one with him. {Walks toward Clement.) What is 
your name, please ? 



MRS. HAYWOOD S HELP 25 

Clement. My name is Clement, and I want to apolo- 
gize for my intrusion here. 

Katherine. Oh, not at all ! You are quite welcome. 
I'm sorry that you have been obliged to wait so long for 
your dinner. 

Clement. Why, I — I — I'm sure you don't 

Katherine. Tilings are rather upset here to-night, and 
I'm afraid you will have to eat with Miss Hereford and Mr. 
Ames, and 

Clement. I am sure you don't understand 



Katherine. If you interrupt me again I shall report 
you. I am talking. You will tell Mr. Ames that you are 
to eat dinner with him. {Enter Mary, r.) Oh, Miss 
Moore, I have been looking for you. 

(Joyce starts to enter, c, and exits in a hurry.) 

Clement. Mary ! 

Mary. You ? 

Katherine. Oh, you have met before ? 

Mary {passing Clement with her head in the air). 
Yes, we have met before. You were looking for me, Mrs. 
Haywood ? 

Katherine. Yes, I want you to come in to dinner at 
once. Mr. Haywood is waiting. {Exit Mary, c.) David, 
will you see if the dinner in the breakfast-room is ready ? 
{Exit David, l.) Tell Mr. Ames what I said. 

{Exit Katherine, l.) 

{Enter Ames, r.) 

Clement. Is — is this Mr. Ames? 
Ames. Yes, it is. 

Clement. Well, Mrs. Haywood directed me to tell you 
that I was to eat dinner with you. My name is Clement. 
Ames. Glad to know you, I'm sure. 

{Shakes hands with Clement.) 

David {entering l.). Dinner is served. 
Ames. Go right in, Mr. Clement. I'll speak to Miss 
Hereford and we will join you in a second. 

{Exit Ames, r. Exit Clement, l. David crosses stage 
to piano. Kneels doivn and picks up some music. Joyce 



26 mrs. haywood's help 

looks ill from c. ; thinks the room is empty ; enters ; sits 
down at telephone. Clement steps back on to stage 
from L. Makion enters, R. David rises and all three 
stand watching Joyce as she telephones.) 

Joyce. Schuyler 179. Yes, please. (Pause.') Hello! 
Is that you, Philip ? This is Joyce. Yes, thank you, I'm 
feeling fine. Has Mr. Shepard arrived ? No ? He is late, 
isn't he? Well, when he comes, please tell him that 1 am 
down at Mrs. Haywood's. Yes. Say, Phil, isn't it a joke? 
Half of New York would give all they possess to know where 
Oliver Shepard is to-night, and I am the only one who 
knows. 



CURTAIN 



ACT II 

( Ten minutes are supposed to elapse between Acts I and II 
As curtain rises David stands by door, l. , looking out. 
He turns and walks quickly to telephone on table, L., 
and begins to look over the papers on the table. Doro- 
thea enters, C, with her dog.) 

Dorothea. Where's Joyce ? 

David. I don't know. 

Dorothea. Don't you suppose that we are going to 
have something to eat pretty soon ? 

David. I wish I thought that we were. 

Dorothea. I am so hungry that my stomach goes right 
in, this way. 

David. I can sympathize with you. 

Dorothea. I wish Joyce would hurry. Victor doesn't 
look right. I'm afraid he will faint. 

David (looking at dog). It's a pity he doesn't. We 
should have one trouble off our hands. 

(Enter Joyce, c.) 

Joyce. Oh, here you are, Dorothy, and Buttons, too ! 
Now we will have our dinner. 

Dorothea. Oh, goody ! 

David. Me, too? 

Joyce. Well, I should say so ! Mrs. Haywood's help 
are at least entitled to their dinner. 

David. Where do we eat it ? In the kitchen ? 

Joyce. I guess not ! It's so hot out there you can 
hardly breathe. I'm going to bring it in here. 

David. Miss Laughton, you are a wonder ! How did 
you manage a dinner in so short a time? 

Joyce. There's nothing wonderful about it. The cook 
didn't strike until the dinner was prepared. All I had to do 
was cook the things, and I didn't have to do that to some 
of them. Case of " Just add the hot water and serve." 

(Exit, c. David pulls table to center of stage.) 

Dorothea. Here, I'll help you. (They arrange the table 

27 



28 mrs. haywood's help 

and chairs. Joyce enters c. with a tray.) Oh, goody ! 
Chicken ! 

Joyce (placing tray on table). Sir, dinner is served. 

David. After you. 

( They sit at table. Joyce and David opposite one another, 
Dorothea facing audience.) 

Joyce. It's time Kit had a new cook. There must have 
been high life below stairs. I never saw such a mess of 
provisions but once before, and that was on a battle-ship. 

David. Can you really cook ? 

Joyce. Buttons, as honest as you live, the only thing I 
ever cooked successfully in my life was an orange pudding. 

David. Good land, what did you intend to do when you 
went down-stairs? You would need an orange grove in the 
back yard to make pudding for this houseful. 

Joyce. Well — er — of course, if I hadn't found the dinner 
prepared — but there — we won't worry about what didn't 
happen. 

Dorothea. Oh, Joyce, I'm so glad lam here. 

Joyce. Well, I expect you should be anything but glad. 

Dorothea. Why, I wanted to come, and shouldn't I 
be glad I've got what I wanted? 

Joyce. Not if it's something that isn't good for you to 
have. 

Dorothea. Well, why isn't it good for me to have the 
things I want, I'd just like to know? 

Joyce. You should think of others. You aren't the only 
one to be considered. You have made trouble for Kather- 
ine and worried your mother. 

Dorothea. Well, my mother never worries about me at 
any other time. It's just when she's fussing about the 
things I do that I oughtn't, and the things I don't that I 
ought. 

David. You are a very fortunate girl to have a mother 
to worry about you. When I was your age I would have 
given all the world for a mother to fuss at me about the 
things I was or was not doing. 

Dorothea. Did your mother die? 

David. Yes, when I was one day old. You see, I never 
knew my mother at all, and, Dorothea, there has never been 
a day in my life that I haven't realized that I have lost the 



MRS. HAYWOOD S HELP 20, 

best thing in the life of any boy or girl — a mother's love. 
Something you have and don't care anything about. 

Dorothea. Yes, 1 do, too ! You don't know what you 
are talking about. {Jumps up.) I'm going right home 
now! {Rims about stage.) Where's my hat ? What did 
I do with my suit-case? Come on, Vic ! 

Joyce {running after Dorothea). Dorothy, you can't 
go home to-night ! And you mustn't bother Katherine. 
Come, dear, and finish your dinner. 

(Joyce sits down at table again.) 

Dorothea. I have had all I want, thank you. {Sits 
down by dog.) Oh, Victor, this is an awful wicked world, 
and I'm one of the worst ones in it, and you're another. 
You aren't so bad as I am, for I brought you down here. 
Why did you run away with me? Didn't you know any 
better than to do things you ought not to do, just 'cause a 
girl asked you to? 

Joyce. Oh, Buttons, I have the wish bone 1 Let's wish ! 

David. It isn't dry enough. 

Joyce. Oh, I bet we can break it. Let's try. Now, 
wish — wish for the thing you want most to happen. 

David. All right. 

{They break the bone.) 

Joyce. Oh, you've got it ! Buttons, I did want that 
wish. 

David. So did I. I wish I had faith to think that this 
would bring it to me, but it won't. There isn't the least 
chance. 1 wished that 1 might {regarding Joyce closely) 
hear from Oliver Shepard to-night. 

Joyce. You did ? Why, Buttons, that's what I wished. 
That isn't improbable. It's very likely to happen. 

David. To you, perhaps, not to me. Your Shepard 
and my Shepard are not the same. 

Joyce. Oh ! Well, then, here's hoping that you hear 
from yours, and I from mine. 

David. Thank you. (Nordica enters c. David sud- 
denly leans forward across table and says very earnestly. ) 
Miss Laughton, do you realize what it means to a number 
in this house to know where Oliver Shepard is? 

Nordica {interrupting). Say, yo' no account Buttons, 
Mr. Haywood is in need ob yo' bery valuable services. 



30 MRS. HAYWOOD S HELP 

David. You're mighty free with your epithets, Nordica. 
Any one would think that you amounted to something. 

{Exit, c.) 

Nordica {calling after hint). I guess I 'mounts ter as 
much as yo', yo' pore lily white Button ! If I didn't 
I'd 

Joyce. There, that will do for you. If ever you amount 
to one half as much as that "pore lily white Button " you 
can thank your lucky stars. Here ! {Puts the tray into 
her hands and swings her around and pushes her off the 
stage, c.) About face ! Forward march ! 

Nordica {as she goes through the door, c). Fo' de lan's 
sake ! 

(Joyce keeps a roll, which she eats as she pushes the table 
back into place.) 

{Enter Clement, l.) 

Clement. Pardon me, but 

Joyce. For what is it that's after ailin' yez? Yer look 
ez timid ez a sick chicken ! 

Clement. Who in the name of goodness are you? 

Joyce {taking a bite out of roll). Mis' Haywood's 
cook. 

Clement. Yes, you look it ! 

Joyce. Sure, yez ain't th' foist young gintlemin that do 
be after tillin' me that I look above me station in loife. 

Clement. Say, you can't jolly me that way. There is 
no more Irish in your face than there is in mine. 

Joyce. Sure, I'm after thinkin' there ain't so much ! 
Yez see, me father wuz Irish, but me mother wuz Dutch, an' 
they do say the combination makes me look Frinch ! 

Clement. You're worse than the chocolate-drop. Mrs. 
Haywood has certainly got the freshest crowd of help ! 

Joyce. To say nothin' of her visitors. 

{Exit, c.) 

Clement. Say, hold on ! Confound it ! 
Dorothea. Joyce is an awful joker, isn't she ? 
Clement. Well, glory be, where did yon come from? 
Dorothea. I didn't come. I've been right here all the 



MRS. HAYWOOD S HELP 31 

time. You aren't as good at answering back as Joyce, are 
you? 

Clement. Whom did you say ? 

Dorothea. Joyce. 

Clement. Some name for the cook. 

Dorothea. She isn't the cook. Why, you are even 
easier than I thought you were. 

Clement. Who is she? 

Dorothea. Joyce Laughton. 

Clement. Laughton ? Laughton ? Say, has she been 
abroad lately ? 

Dorothea. Yes. 

Clement. Gee, what a find ! Well, will you tell me 
why Miss Laughton should pretend that she is Mrs. Haywood's 
cook? 

Dorothea. Why, you see, Kit 

Clement. Who's she ? 

Dorothea. Why, my sister, Mrs. Haywood. 

Clement. Your sister? Then you are Chauncey Sy- 
monds' youngest daughter. Any more of you around? 

Dorothea. Yes, my Aunt Aurelia is here. 

Clement. Miss Aurelia Symonds in this house? Oh, 
gee ! The whole bunch ! Ill get enough exclusive to fill 
a special edition. Well, you were going to tell me a story, 
Miss Symonds. 

Dorothea. Oh, I do love to be called " Miss Symonds." 
Most every one says " little girl." 

Clement. Extremely ill bred, I'm sure ! 

Dorothea. Well, Kit's servants all left this afternoon, 
and all the help she could get was just a colored maid. So 
Joyce said she would cook and Dave could wait on folks 
and 

Clement. Dave ? Who's that ? Buttons ? 

Dorothea. Yes. He's something to Tom. I don't 
know what, but he isn't any Buttons at all. 

Clement. Good-night ! He's probably some million- 
aire. And I gave him fifty cents ! 

Dorothea. Well, Kit was awful glad to have Joyce 
cook the dinner, because Tom's father is here and she wants 
to make a good impression. You know he didn't want Tom 
to marry her. Wasn't my father mad ! 

Clement (taking ?wfes as fast as he can write). Gosh, 
I ought to get thirty days for this ! 



32 mrs. haywood's help 

Dorothea. Do you want me to tell you some more ? 

Clement. You bet 1 do ! Miss Symonds, I never was 
so interested in my life. I could listen to you forever. 

Dorothea. Oh, you are the nicest young man ! I do 
like you ever so much. Well, my father said that he guessed 
that Thomas Haywood had forgotten what he arose from. 
That he could remember the time that Tom Haywood was a 
New York newsboy without any shoes on his feet, and 

David {entering L.). Mr. Clement, I think I can get you 
that chance with Mr. Haywood if you want to try it. 

Clement. Well, you better believe I do ! Miss 
Symonds, we'll finish our conversation later if you don't 
mind. 

Dorothea. All right. 

{Exeunt David and Clement, c.) 
{Enter Joyce, r.) 

Joyce. Oh, here you are, Dorothy ! What are you 
doing ? 

Dorothea. Oh, I have been talking to that awful nice 
young man that you were jollying. 

Joyce. Mr. Ames ? 

Dorothea. Oh, no ! He isn't Hugh Ames. 

Joyce. He isn't ? Well, who is he ? 

Dorothea. I don't know. Ain't it awful funny that 
he's always writing things in a little book ? 

Joyce. Writing in a book ? 

Dorothea. Yes. We've been talking for the longest 
time, and he wrote almost all the time. But he didn't write 
like us. He writes sort of little quirli-gigs. 

Joyce. What have you been telling him? 

Dorothea. Oh, all about the family. And, Joyce, he 
was awful interested, for he listened all the time, and never 
once said, " Little girls should be seen and not heard." 

Joyce. Dorothea Symonds, they ought to keep you in a 
cage. Come quick ! I must stop that fellow from leaving 
this house ! 

{Starts to exit c. with Dorothea. Tom and Katherine 
enter C.) 

Tom {to Joyce). You are a wonder ! I never ate abet- 
ter dinner in my life. 



MRS. HAYWOOD S HELP 



33 



Katherine. We'll never forget this. 

Joyce. Tell me later. Who is that tall young man ? 

Tom. Ames ? 

Joyce. No, he isn't Ames. 

Katherine. You must mean Clement. He's Hugh 
Ames' chauffeur. 

Tom. It's queer that I didn't notice him. How do you 
know that he is Hugh's chauffeur ? 

Katherine. I don't know. Dave told me. What's the 
trouble, Joyce ? 

Joyce. I'm not sure that anything is, but, Tom, I wish 
you would ask your friend about this fellow, and let me 
know what he says. 

Tom. All right. Here comes Hugh now. 

{Exeunt Joyce, Katherine and Dorothea, c.) 
{Enter Ames, l.) 

Ames. Well, old man, you are pulling out of this fine. 
Your father hasn't laid an eye on us, and we shall be start- 
ing back in a short time. 

Tom. Hugh, who is that young fellow you brought with 
you ? 

Ames. That I brought ? You mean Clement ? 

Tom. Yes. 

Ames. I didn't bring him. He's a friend of your wife. 

Tom. He is not. Do you mean to say that he is not 
your chauffeur ? 

Ames. No. I never saw him in my life until just before 
dinner. Who said that I brought him ? 

Tom. Why — er — Buttons. 

Ames. Buttons ? Just call him. Of all the im- 
pudent 

Tom (ringing for David). Hold on, Hugh ! There's 
some mistake. 

(Enter David, c.) 

Ames (to David). Did you say that Clement was my 
chauffeur ? 

David. Yes, sir. 

Ames. What do you mean by lying that way ? 

Tom. Just a minute, Hugh. David, what made you 
think that Clement was Mr. Ames' chauffeur ? 



34 MRS. HAYWOOD S HELP 

David. Why, you see, sir, I heard the auto and looked 
out the window. I saw Clement standing by the auto and 
he came in right after Mr. Ames and the young lady, and I 
naturally supposed that he was the chauffeur. 

Tom. Yes, of course. Well, what in thunder is he 
doing in this house ? 

Ames. Come on ! We'll soon find out. 

{Exit l., follorved by Tom and David.) 
Tom {as he exits). You're right, we will ! 

{Enter Clement slowly, c. Mary enters, R.) 

Clement. Mary ! I've been hoping for this chance. 

Mary. Have you ? I can't say that I have. There is 
no possible reason why you should wish to see me. 

Clement. There isn't? Well, that's where my opinion 
differs from yours. A look at you is like sunshine after a 
long, long storm. 

Mary. Indeed ? What have you been doing here this 
evening ? 

Clement. I have been having dinner with a mighty 
nice girl. 

Mary. Have you, really ? Supposing I should tell this 
girl that you are nothing but a kissing bug? 

Clement. Don't you think that's a trifle hard ? I did 
kiss Susy Wilson. There's no use in denying it, for you 
saw me do it. Heaven only knows why I did it ! A min- 
ute before I hadn't the least idea of doing such a thing. 
She — she — just looked kissable, that's all. And I must say 
it's an awful little thing for you to make such a fuss about. 

Mary. You think so ? Well, that's where my opinion 
differs from yours. 

Clement. Why, great Scot, Mary, there isn't a fellow 
on the face of the earth who isn't going to kiss a pretty girl 
when he can just as well as not, and you ought to know it ! 
No, no ! I don't mean that ! 

Mary. You have said quite enough. I don't care to 
hear any more. Your conduct was outrageous, considering 
the fact that you had asked me to marry you. 

Clement. That's just the point. That should convince 
you. You couldn't think I cared anything about her. A 



MRS. HAYWOOD S HELP 35 

fellow would never think of kissing a girl that he was going 
to marry. Oh, no 1 I don't mean that either ! Oh, gosh ! 

Mary. You will kindly remember that I never agreed to 
marry you unless you succeeded in making good. Well, no 
one ever heard about anything that you did yet. I'm sure 
that you are in this house now under false pretenses. I 
don't know what your game is, but I do know that one 
word from me will end it. 

Clement. That's about enough, Mary. You know how 
much 1 care for you. You can raise the deuce with my af- 
fections, but you can't interfere with my business. I have 
an object in being here, and if you stop me, you will be 
mighty sorry. I am going to make good, and strange as it 
may strike you, I'm going to do it without either assistance 
or interference from you. 

Haywood (outside). Mary ! Mary ! 

Clement. Your employer is calling you. 

Mary. Mr. Clement, I 

Clement. Oh, I wouldn't stand around talking if I were 
you. You might lose your job. 

Haywood {outside). Mary ! Mary ! 

Mary. Oh, how 1 hate you, Joe Clement ! 

(Exit, L. Clement stands looking after her for a second. 
Goes to telephone table and begins to look the papers over.) 

(Enter Joyce, c.) 

Joyce. Sure, an' what is it yez after now ? I knew it 
wuz tryin' ter pinch somethin' yez were whin I foist laid me 
eyes on yez. 

Clement. Miss Laughton, I was trying to find the 
number you called just before dinner when you asked for 
Oliver Shepard. 

Joyce. Oh, masks off? 

Clement. It is probably the best way. 

Joyce. It's much the best way. How do you happen to 
know who I am ? 

Clement. Your picture has been in the papers about 
enough times for you to be easily recognized. 

Joyce. Then, I think you have the advantage of me. 
I'm afraid I never saw your picture in the paper. 

Clement. I am afraid you never did. 

Joyce. And yet I can guess lots of things about you. 



36 mrs. haywood's help 

You are a reporter, " New York Spy," I would wager al- 
most anything. 

Clement. Absolutely correct. My name is Clement. 
Joseph Clement. 

Joyce. I'm glad to meet you, Mr. Clement. 

(Shakes hands with him.') 

Clement (in surprise). Th- thank you. 

Joyce. Let's sit down. You are having rather a lucky 
find down here, aren't you? Even more than you expected 
when you came ? 

Clement. I sure am ! I came looking for Haywood, 
senior, and I don't know how much longer I shall be al- 
lowed to play peek-a-boo around here. I ought to get out 
while my scalp is with me, but I should like to get a whack 
at him. 

Joyce. Well, don't neglect your present opportunities. 
Aren't you going to take down any impressions of me? Or 
perhaps 1 am not worth the trouble. 

Clement. You know how much you are worth, but we 
fellows aren't all as black as we are painted, and we appre- 
ciate courtesy when we are fortunate enough to get it. 
Nothing goes into the "Spy " about you without your per- 
mission. 

Joyce. Oh, then you do have some scruples about what 
you give to the editor. 

Clement. Not very often. 

Joyce. That's what I thought. It seems rather a pity. 
Don't you ever think of your victims? Don't you realize 
the harm that comes from the publication of many of your 
stories ? 

Clement. There's no reason why I should stop to think 
of that. You don't understand. Miss Laughton, I have 
known what it is to walk the streets of New York, day after 
day, for work which I couldn't obtain. I know what it is 
to be down to my last nickel. ] have work now. I must 
keep it. Do you wonder that I don't question very deeply 
the means by which I obtain my story ? 

Joyce. No, I don't wonder, but still you haven't won 
your case. You could be honorable in your work as well as 
any other man. Do you know who my brother is? 

Clement. Surely. Every one knows Philip Laughton. 
He's the squarest business man in New York. 



MRS. HAYWOOD S HELP 37 

Joyce. Thank you. What would you say if I should 
tell you that he has known what it is to be down to his last 
nickel ? 

Clement. I should say that it is incredible. 

Joyce. And yet it is true. Mr. Clement, my father died 
when I was six years old. My brother was seventeen. Phil 
came up to New York alone to look for work. His first 
chance was with the Hereford-Glenning Company where he 
slowly worked his way up a little. One day his manager 
came to him and said, " Phil, the Benson Company is out- 
doing us. They get twice the business. Benson has advertised 
for help. 1 want you to apply to them for a job. Study 
the methods of their manager and report to me every night. 
When you come back here I will advance you a couple of 
places and you can have twenty dollars a month more pay." 
Phil was swept off his feet at first by his good luck, but by 
the time he had reached his room he was looking at things 
from another point of view. That night he fought it out 
with himself and the next morning he told the manager that 
he would not take advantage of Benson in that way. The 
manager said, " Very well, you lose your position here," 
and Phil replied, "Very well. Perhaps I shall starve, but if 
1 do it will at least be an honorable death." It happened 
that Mr. Glenning overheard their conversation, and that 
was the beginning of all good things for Phil. When my 
uncle died several years later, he left us all of his money. 
It was then that the firm of Philip Laughton and Co. be- 
came known to New York. Do you know who forms the 
company ? Mother and I. All of our money went in with 
Phil's, and the watchword of our firm is "Honesty, in- 
tegrity, and a fair deal by every man." 

Clement. Why did you tell me this story ? 

Joyce. I want the information you obtained from 
Dorothea before you are led to making a dishonorable use 
of it. 

Clement. Miss Laughton, you have won your case, but 
you don't know what I am giving up. {Hands her his note- 
book.') I had more reasons than one for wishing to make 
good. Well, I must be going. I promise you 

Joyce. No, don't go. I have something that I want you 
to do. Come in this way with me. 

(Exeunt, c) 



38 mrs. haywood's help 

{Enter Haywood and Mary, l.) 

Haywood {looking around}. Tom isn't here? Nor his 
wife? Strange proceedings in this house, I must say. 
Mary, have you seen Tom since dinner ? 

Mary. No, sir. 

Haywood. Nice of him to hide himself when he knows 
that I want to go over these papers. {Takes a package of 
papers from his pocket ; begins to look them over.} Have 
you a pencil and note-book ? 

Mary. Yes, sir. No, sir. I don't know, sir. 

Haywood. Don't know ? Why, they are right in your 
hand. What's the matter with you, Mary? 

Mary {in a low voice). Nothing. 

{He places his papers on the telephone table and walks 
toward Mary. Regards her closely.) 

Haywood. Nothing ? Why, you have been crying ! 

Mary. Mr. Haywood, you can hear ! 

Haywood. I can hear ? Why, so I can ! Well, did 
you ever ? Just what the doctor said ! Say something 
more, Mary. 

Mary. Why — er, — I — I can't think of anything to say. 

Haywood. Mary, I should say you had suddenly taken 
leave of your senses. Come ! Let's go into the library 
and see if we can find Tom in there. 

{Exeunt, r. Haywood forgets his papers.) 

{Enter Nordica, c. She has on Marion's coat and hat. 
She stands in front of a glass and admires herself. 
Hears some one coming; kneels back of a large chair, r. 
Marion enters, l., with manuscript of play in her hand.) 

Marion {posing near Nordica, who looks around the chair 
at her in astonishment). " I see it ! It is there ! It is 
there ! " 

{Enter Dorothea, c.) 

Dorothea. Goodness, Marion, what is the matter? 

Marion. Oh, Dorothy, I'm learning a part, and the 
more I study the less I know. Do hold this book and see if 
I know all of my lines. Here's the place where I steal the 



MRS. HAYWOOD S HELP 39 

papers. Now watch me. {Takes the papers which Hay- 
wuod has left on table.) How does this look ? 

{Exaggerated performance of stealing papers ; takes them 
from table to divan or chair down L. t and slips them 
under a cushion.) 

{Enter Ames, l. ; stands watching her .) 

Dorothea. Looks about like the Turkey trot. 

Marion {turning over pages of manuscript). I'll try 
this scene. It is my worst. 

Ames {coming forward). Well, if it's any worse than 
this last, you had better apply for a job with {name of local 
theatre). 

{Exit Nordica, r., leaving hat behind chair. She attracts 
Dorothea's attention. As Ames and Marion talk, un- 
seen by them, Dorothea walks over to chair ; finds the 
hat ' puts it on; admires herself in glass ; exit, c.) 

Marion. Oh, Hugh, I'm so glad you have come in. I 
didn't know where you had gone. I want to tell you some- 
thing. 

Ames. I'm at your service, fair maid. 

Marion. Oh, please don't talk nonsense ! I'm terribly 
worried about something. Perhaps you will think that it is 
a little thing, but I want your advice. 

Ames. 1 will give you the best I can. 

Marion. Of course you know all about Oliver Shepard, 
the president of the H. and C. ? 

Ames. Well, rather ! 

Marion. You remember that I didn't go in to dinner 
with you ? (Ames nods.) When I came in here a young 
woman was sitting at the telephone. She had on an apron, 
but she didn't look like a servant nor speak like one. She 
called some number in Schuyler and asked for Oliver 
Shepard. 

Ames. By Jove ! She didn't mention the name of the 
person to whom she telephoned, did she? 

Marion. She was talking to somebody named Philip. 
Should I tell Kit ? She has so many things to worry her 
that I don't like to add anything more. 

Ames. No, don't say anything to her. Excuse me. I 
shall have to get my father. {Goes to telephone.) Brook- 



40 mrs. haywood's help 

lyn 399. Yes. {Pause.') Hello! Kent? Is father at 
home? I'd like to speak to him. (Aside.) Good luck ! — 
Hello ! Is that you, dad ? (Enter Haywood, r. ; stands 
looking at Ames in astonishment.') Can you meet me in 
New York in about an hour ? I'm down at Tom Hay- 
wood's, and I will take the next train up. Shepard is in 
New York, and I think I know where ! (Pushes out, l.) 

(Enter Mary, r. Haywood starts toward table ; runs 
into Marion ; he dances back and forth in front of her ; 
waves his arms.) 

Haywood. Stop him ! Stop him ! The other way, 
Mary ! (Exit Mary, l.) Don't let him escape ! (Marion 
finally exits L., calling, "Wait, Hugh, wait/" Haywood 
reaches table.) He has taken the papers ! Stop him 1 
Stop him ! 

(Exit Haywood, l.) 
(Enter Katherine and Aurelia, c.) 

Aurelia. My dear, I must congratulate you upon your 
husband and your cook, but I'm afraid I can't say the same 
of your maid. 

Katherine. Nordica ? Why, what has she done ? 

Aurelia. She spilled soup on the left side of my gown. 
Salad dressing on the right. Stepped on my foot and 
poured coffee down my neck. 

Katherine. Aunt, I'm so sorry. I hope your dress 
isn't ruined. 

Aurelia. Don't mention it, my dear. It Is of no con- 
sequence. I will send the gown to a cleanser. And that 
reminds me 

(Marion rushes in l.) 

Marion. Oh, Kit, something dreadful has happened ! 
I was telling Hugh about a girl, and Mr. Haywood heard 
me, and now Hugh has gone, and what will Tom say ? 
And how shall I get back to school ? 

Katherine. What are you talking about? Who was 
the girl ? 

Marion. I don't know who she was, but she knows 
Oliver Shepard. 

Katherine. Marion, are you crazy? 



MRS. HAYWOOD S HELP 41 

Marion. No, but I think I am going to be. I must get 
my things and go back to Crofton, but how ? How ? 

(Exit, R.,follozved by Katherine.) 

Aurelia. Extraordinary ! (Follows Katherine off R.) 

(Enter Tom and Haywood, l.) 

Haywood. He's gone ! You've let him escape and he 
has my papers ! I shall go mad ! What was he doing in 
this house ? 

Tom (loud). That's just what we have been trying to 
find out. 

Haywood. Stop yelling in my ear. I can hear as well 
as you can. 

Tom. You can ? Why, how long 

Haywood. Never mind about that ! Don't you under- 
stand that my papers are gone? Our plans lost? What 
was that scamp's name? 

Tom. He said his name was Clement. 

Haywood. Said? Whom did he say it to? 

Tom. Gosh ! I don't seem to recall. I think it must 
have been Buttons. 

Haywood. Buttons ? Call him at once ! Do you hear ? 
Ring for Buttons. 

Tom. Yes, sir. (Rings.) 

Haywood. This is an outrage ! A high-handed out- 
rage ! 

Tom. How do you know that Clement has your papers ? 

Haywood. Why, I left them right there (pointing to 
table) not five minutes ago ! Come ! I'm not going to 
stand here all night. If your servants can't come to you we 
will go to them, and I will make that Buttons wish he had 
never been born. 

(Enter Aurelia, r., as Haywood and Tom rush out c.) 

Aurelia. Extraordinary ! Perfectly extraordinary ! 
(Mary enters, r.) Young woman, can you tell me the 
meaning of the commotion in this house? 

Mary. No, I am sure I can't ! I wish I were in New 
York. 

[Enter Marion and Katherine, r. Marion has her 
coat on.) 



42 MRS. HAYWOOD S HELP 

Marion. Where is my hat? Where is my hat? And 
how am I going to get back to school ? Kit, are you sure 
there isn't another train ? 

Katherine (examining a time-table she has in her hand). 
Of course I am. There's just one more train out of this 
place to-night, and that goes up to New York. 

Marion. What a mess to be in ! Miss Bickford will 
kill me, and 1 have lost my new hat ! 

{Enter Dorothea, c. She has on Marion's hat, and a 
long coat that drags on the floor, and carries a cane.) 

Dorothea (dancing across the stage). " I wants to be 
an actor-lady, star in the play, up on Broadway." 

(Exit, r.) 

Marion (chasing her). Dorothea Symonds, give me 
my hat ! 

Aurelia. Katherine, perhaps you will be kind enough 
to explain — — 

(E titer Haywood, c.) 

Haywood. You didn't see that scamp, Mary ? 

Mary. No, sir ! 

Katherine. What has happened ? 

Haywood. Then he has gone ! 

Tom (dragging Clement into room, a). No, he hasn't ! 
I've got him ! 

Haywood. You have? Why, Tom, what's the matter 
with you? This isn't the fellow ! 

Tom. It isn't? 

Haywood. Certainly not ! 

Tom. Why, great Scott, it must have been Arnes. 

Haywood. Ames ? Ames ? Any relation to Franklyn 
Ames ? 

Tom. Yes; his son. 

Haywood. That accounts for it. It is Franklyn Ames 
and his Western Company who have opposed all of our plans. 
Young Ames has gone up to New York to meet his father, 
and they are going to see Oliver Shepard, and he has all of 
my papers with him ! 

Clement. Well, why don't you chase after him ? Shep- 



MRS. HAYWOOD S HELP 43 

ard is at some number in Schuyler. If you don't believe 
me, ask Miss Laughton. 

Haywood. What are you talking about? 

Tom {Jo Clement). Who are you, and what are you 
doing in my house ? 

Mary. You needn't speak to him that way. He isn't 
doing any harm in your house. I've known him for a long 
time, and he is one of the best fellows that ever lived. 

Clement. Mr. Haywood, I'm on the "Spy," and I 
came down here to get an interview with your father. Al- 
though I didn't quite understand, your wife 

Katherine. Yes, I'm certainly to blame. I mistook 
Mr. Clement for Hugh's chauffeur. I remember that he 
tried to explain, and I wouldn't give him any chance. 

Haywood. But how did Ames happen to be in this 
house ? 

Katherine. I'll make a clean breast of the whole thing. 
You wrote Tom that you would like to have the house quiet, 
and we received a message, that Hugh Ames was on his way 
out here with one of my friends. Rather than have you 
disturbed, I entertained them in another part of the house. 
I have done the best I could, and I'm sorry that I wasn't 
more successful. 

Haywood (to Katherine). You are very clever to en- 
tertain two parties at the same time, and I thank you for 
your consideration of my wishes. And now to get after 
young Ames and 



{Enter David, l., Nordica, r. She has hat and coat on, 
carrying bandbox.) 

Nordica. Mis' Haywood, I'se about to take mah de- 
perture. I wouldn' stay no longer fo' no amount yo' could 
offer. Yo' can send mah check care ob Mis' Carey. Dat 
gal dat's a-visitin' yo'-all tried ter steal somepin', but she 
hed ter hide it 'cause her fellah wuz a-lookin'. {Pulls Hay- 
wood's papers from under seat of chair or divan.) Yo'-all 
please notice dat I ain't carryin' dem away in mah bandbox. 

(Haywood takes the papers.) 

(Exit Nordica, l. Telephone rings.) 

Haywood. My papers ! 



44 MRS. HAYWOOD S HELP 

Tom {answering telephone). Hello! Yes! Who? 
Mrs. who? Mrs. ? No, there's no one here by that 

{Enter Joyce, l.) 

Joyce. Tom, let me have that, quick ! {Sits down at 
telephone.') Hello ! Yes. Oh, hello ! Yes, yes ! Are 
you? Well, listen, dear! There's a young man here, 
newspaper reporter. Will you talk to him, please? Ex- 
clusive, you know. All right. Just a minute. {Rises.) 
Mr. Clement, Oliver Shepard is at the other end of the 
line 

All. What ? 

Joyce. And you are the only reporter who knows that he 
is in New York. 

Clement {nearly falling down getting to the telephone). 
Hello! Yes, sir! Clement, New York "Spy." Your 
what? (Glances up at Joyce in surprise. She laughs and 
nods.) Yes, sir. I'll be there. I'd fly if I could ! All 
right. I'll tell her. Good-bye. {Rises.) I'm going up 
to New York on the next train. Mr. Shepard is going to 
wait for me, and as soon as we have talked, he's coming 
down here. 

Haywood. Thank heaven ! 

Joyce. Mr. Haywood, do you need Mary any more to- 
night? 

Haywood. Mary ? No. 

Joyce. Mr. Clement, why don't you take Mary up to 
New York with you ? 

Clement. I don't believe she wants to go. 

Mary. Yes, I do, Joe. 

Clement {Joyously). Come on, then ! We'll have to 
run for that train. 

(Enter Marion, r., with her hat on,followedby Dorothea.) 

Katherine (to Clement). Wait a minute ! (Looks at 
time-table.) There's a train ! 

Marion. Where ? When ? 

Katherine. From New York to Crofton. You can 
just make it. Mr. Clement, take Miss Hereford with you 
and put her onto the Crofton train. 

Clement. All right. The more the merrier. (Exeunt 
Marion and Mary, l. To Joyce.) I haven't words to 



mrs. haywood's help 45 

express to you what I feel, but from the bottom of my heart 
I thank, you, Mrs. Shepard. 

{Exit l., in a hurry.') 

All. What ? 

Katherine. What does he mean ? 

Joyce. Just what he says. 

Haywood. You are Oliver Shepard's wife? 

Joyce. Yes. 

Haywood. Then, this last month, he has 

Joyce. Been on his honeymoon. 

Haywood (sitting dotvn suddenly). Great Scott ! 

Katherine. You might have told me, Joyce. 

Joyce. I did try to, Kit, several times. You were so 
excited that you wouldn't listen. I had to come East yes- 
terday because my aunt died a month ago, and I didn't 
know it until this week. She has left the greater part of her 
fortune to her grandson. She knew that I was going to be 
married, and she appointed Oliver his guardian. Tom, I 
want you to help me find the grandson. His name is 
Andrews — David Solomon Andrews. 

Katherine. What? 

Tom. Well, we won't have to look far. Mrs. Shepard, 
this is David Solomon Andrews. 

{Places his hand on David's shoulder.) 

Joyce (laughing). What? Buttons? 

David. Ye-es. Look here, you knew all the time. 

Joyce. I suspected it, I confess. Will you forgive me? 

David. Well, I guess. (They shake hands.) 

Tom. What about taking your grandmother's money, 
Dave ? 

David. Well, I guess it's mine ! 

Joyce. Good boy. Mrs. Haywood, as much as we regret 
to, we shall be obliged to give you notice, i am afraid 
you will have to advertise for other help. 



curtain 



Unusually Good Entertainments 

Read One or More of These Before Deciding on 
Your Next Program 

GRADUATION DAY AT WOOD HILL SCHOOL. 

An Entertainment in Two Acts, by Ward Macauley. For six 
males and four females, with several minor parts. Time of 
playing, two hours. Modern costumes. Simple interior scenes ; 
may be presented in a hail without scenery. The unusual com- 
bination of a real "entertainment," including music, recitations, 
etc., with an interesting love story. The graduation exercises 
include short speeches, recitations, songs, funny interruptions, 
and a comical speech by a country school trustee. Price, 15 
cents. 

EXAMINATION DAY AT WOOD HILL SCHOOL. 

An Entertainment in One Act, by Ward Macauley. Eight male 
and six female characters, with minor parts. Plays one hour. 
Scene, an easy interior, or may be given without scenery. Cos- 
tumes, modern. Miss Marks, the teacher, refuses to marry a 
trustee, who threatens to discharge her. The examination in- 
cludes recitations and songs, and brings out many funny answers 
to questions. At the close Robert Coleman, an old lover, claims 
the teacher. Very easy and very effective. Price, 15 cents. 

BACK TO THE COUNTRY STORE. A Rural Enter- 
tainment in Three Acts, by Ward Macauley. For four male 
and five female characters, with some supers. Time, two hours. 
Two scenes, both easy interiors. Can be played effectively with- 
out scenery. Costumes, modern. All the principal parts are 
sure hits. Quigley Higginbotham, known as "Quig," a clerk in 
a country store, aspires to be a great author or singer _ and 
decides to try his fortunes in New York. The last scene is in 
Quig's home. He returns a failure but is offered a partnership 
in the country store. He pops the question in the midst of a 
surprise party given in his honor. Easy to do and very funny. 
Price, 15 cents. 

THE DISTRICT CONVENTION. A Farcical Sketch 
in One Act, by Frank Dumont. For eleven males and one 
female, or twelve males. Any number of other parts or super- 
numeraries may be added. Plays forty-five minutes. No special 
jscenery is required, and the costumes and properties^ are all 
easy. The play shows an uproarious political nominating con- 
vention. The climax comes when a woman's rights cham- 
pion, captures the convention. There is a great chance to bur- 
lesque modern politics and to work in local gags. Every 
part will make a hit. Price, 15 cents. 

SI SLOCUM'S COUNTRY STORE. An Entertainment 
in One Act, by Frank Dumont. Eleven male and rive female 
characters with supernumeraries. Several parts may be doubled. 
Plays one hour. Interior scene, or may be played without set 
scenery. Costumes, modern. The rehearsal for an entertain- 
ment in the village church gives plenty of opportunity for 
specialty work. A very jolly entertainment of the sort adapted 
to almost any place or occasion. Price, 15 cents. 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

PHILADELPHIA 



Unusually Good Entertainments 



Read One or More of These Before Deciding on 
Your Next Program 

A SURPRISE PARTY AT BRINKLEY'S. An En- 
tertainment in One Scene, by Ward Macauley. Seven male and 
seven female characters. Interior scene, or may be given with- 
out scenery. Costumes, modern. Time, one hour. By the 
author of the popular successes, "Graduation Day at Wood Hill 
School," "Back to the Country Store," etc. The villagers have 
planned a birthday surprise party for Mary Brinkley, recently 
graduated from college. They all join in jolly games, songs, 
conundrums, etc., and Mary becomes engaged, which surprises 
the surprisers. The entertainment is a sure success. Price, 15 cents. 

JONES VS. JINKS. A Mock Trial in One Act, by 
Edward Mumford. Fifteen male and six female characters, with 
supernumeraries if desired. May be played all male. Many of the 
parts (members of the jury, etc.) are small. Scene, a simple 
interior ; may be played without scenery. Costumes, modern. 
Time of playing, one hour. This mock trial has many novel 
features, unusual characters and quick action. Nearly every 
character has a funny entrance and laughable lines. There are 
many rich parts, and fast fun throughout. Price, 15 cents. 

THE SIGHT-SEEING CAR. A Comedy Sketch in One 
Act, by Ernest M. Gould. For seven males, two females, or 
may be all male. Parts may be doubled, with quick changes, so 
that four persons may play the sketch. Time, forty-five minutes. 
Simple street scene. Costumes, modern. The superintendent 
of a sight-seeing automobile engages two men to run the 
machine. A Jew, a farmer, a fat lady and other humorous 
characters give them all kinds of trouble. This is a regular gat- 
ling-gun stream of rollicking repartee. Price, 15 cents. 

THE CASE OF SMYTHE VS. SMITH. An Original 
Mock Trial in One Act, by Frank Dumont. Eighteen males 
and two females, or may be all male. Plays about one hour. 
Scene, a county courtroom ; requires no scenery ; may be played 
in an ordinary hall. Costumes, modern. This entertainment is 
nearly perfect of its kind, and a sure success. It can be easily 
produced in any place or on any occasion, and provides almost 
any number of good parts. Price, 15 cents. 

THE OED MAIDS' ASSOCIATION. A Farcical Enter- 
tainment in One Act, by Louise Latham Wilson. For thirteen 
females and one male. The male part may be played by a 
female, and the number cf characters increased to twenty cr 
more. Time, forty minutes. The play requires neither scenery 
nor properties, and 'Very little in the way of costumes. Can 
easily be prepared in one or two rehearsals. Price, 25 cents. 

BARGAIN BAY AT BLOOMSTEIN'S. A Farcical 
Entertainment in One Act, by Edward Mumford. For five males 
and ten females, with supers. Interior scene. Costumes, mod- 
ern. Time, thirty minutes. The characters and the situations 
which arise from their endeavors to buy and sell make rapid-fire 
fun from start to finish. Price, 15 cents. 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

PHILADELPHIA 



Successful Plays for AH Girls 

In Selecting Your Next Play Do Not Overlook This List 

YOUNG DOCTOR DEVINE. A Farce in Two Acts, 
by Mrs. E. J. H. Goodfellow. One of the most popular 
plays for girls. For nine female characters. Time in 
playing, thirty minutes. Scenery, ordinary interior. Mod- 
ern costumes. Girls in a boarding-school, learning that a 
young doctor is coming to vaccinate all the pupils, eagerly con- 
sult each other as to the manner of fascinating the physician. 
When the doctor appears upon the scene the pupils discover that 
the physician is a female practitioner. Price, 15 cents. 

SISTER MASONS. A Burlesque in One Act, by Frank 
Dumont. For eleven females. Time, thirty minutes. Costumes, 
fantastic gowns, cr dominoes. Scene, interior. A grand expose 
of Masonry. Some women profess to learn the secrets cf a 
Masonic lodge by hearing their husbands talk in their sleep, 
and they institute a similar organization. Price, 15 cents. 

A COMMANDING POSITION. A Farcical Enter- 
tainment, by Amelia Sanford. For seven female char- 
acters and ten or more other ladies and children. Time, one 
hour. Costumes, modern. Scenes, easy interiors and one street 
scene. Marian Young gets tired living with hjr aunt, Miss 
Skinflint. She decides to "attain a commanding position." 
Marian tries hospital nursing, college settlement work and 
school teaching, but decides to go back to housework. Price, 15 
cents. 

HOW A WOMAN KEEPS A SECRET. A Comedy 
in One Act, by Frank Dumont. For ten female characters. 
Time, half an hour. Scene, an easy interior. Costumes, modern. 
Mabel Sweetly has just become engaged to Harold, but it's "the 
deepest kind of a secret." Before announcing it they must win 
the approval of Harold's uncle, now in Europe, or lose a possible 
ten thousand a year. At a tea Mabel meets her dearest friend. 
Maude sees Mabel has a secret, she coaxes and Mabel tells her. 
But Maude lets out the secret in a few minutes to another 
friend and so the secret travels. Price, 15 cents. 

THE OXFORD AFFAIR. A Comedy in Three Acts, 
by Josephine H. Cobb and Jennie E. Paine. For eight female 
characters. Plays one hour and three-quarters. Scenes, inter- 
iors at a seaside hotel. Costumes, modern. The action of the 
play is located at a summer resort. Alice Graham, in order to 
chaperon herself, poses as a widow, and Miss Oxford first claims 
her as a sister-in-law, then denounces her. The onerous duties 
of Miss Oxford, who attempts to serve as chaperon to Miss 
Howe and Miss Ashton in the face of many obstacles, furnish 
an evening of rare enjoyment. Price 15 cents. 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

PHILADELPHIA 



LIBRftRY OF CONGRESS 

The Power of 




Expression and efficiency go hand ® JM8 603 698 • 

The power of clear and forceful expression brings confi- 
dence and poise at all times — in private gatherings, in public 
discussion, in society, in business. 

It is an invaluable asset to any man or woman. It can often 
be turned into money, but it is always a real joy. 

In learning to express thought, we learn to command 
thought itself, and thought is power. You can have this 
power if you will. 

Whoever has the power of clear expression is always sure 
of himself. 

The power of expression leads to: 

The ability to think "on your feet" 

Successful public speaking 

Effective recitals 

The mastery over other minds 

Social prominence 

Business success 

Efficiency in any undertaking 

Are these things worth while? 

They are all successfully taught at The National School of 
Elocution and Oratory, which during many years has de- 
veloped this power in hundreds of men and women. 

A catalogue giving full information as to how any of these 
accomplishments may be attained will be sent free on request. 

THE NATIONAL SCHOOL OF 
ELOCUTION AND ORATORY 

Parkway Building Philadelphia 



